I noted the connection between the way I tend to my home and my level of self-trust and self-acceptance.
I loved reading this month’s theme about being at home wherever I am. What a lovely concept to embrace; I was ready to jump all in! To my surprise, when I began to reflect and write about this month’s theme, I noticed quite a bit of resistance coming up. It seemed harder to share what has been showing up for me when I write about associations of the word home than the other themes. I sensed I struggled with the concept of home. My way of addressing it was to hire a feng shui consultant at the start of the year. I envisioned this to be a quick fix. It would be a simple recipe of some new colors, moving around the furniture and a small fee and, boom! I could fix this house nestled in a planned community in the suburbs of Maryland into a place I could call home.
The day of the consult, this beautiful Indian woman danced around my apartment and kindly but directly said with a smile that my apartment looks like a hotel and reflects nothing of my personality. “Wow,” I thought, “I need to get to work on that!” The achiever in me declared that I wanted the consultant to see that with a snap of the finger and my own panache for decorating, I could quickly and easily get this condo out of the hotel vibe and into ‘Annie’s full-on home experience.’
What unraveled was more than I expected or was prepared for. I took in the sage green walls of the condo and felt a deep pang in my stomach as the truth hit me: I had moved into this physical space as a temporary holding spot with the intention that my parents would come and retire here. They had changed their mind, and one year has now become five years in this “temporary home.”
As I looked at the kitchen and into the cupboards, I realized I don’t enjoy hosting and entertaining in this space since I am always wanting to wander off to be somewhere else and connect with community and friends across the country. I noted the connection between the way I tend to my home and how it is symbolic of my internal state and level of self-trust and self-acceptance. Instead of being grounded and going deep within myself, I tend to chase and look outside myself and outside of where I am right now. I feel more comfortable digging back into the past or speculating about the future.
On the 21st of March, I celebrated a milestone birthday — 40! This was an invitation from the universe to soak in the present, be grateful for the who I am now, what I have, and the experiences I have been blessed with. Turning 40 also became a bridge to walking the steps of building trust and love for where I am right now. It was so freeing to feel the anxiety and pressure of what 40 was supposed to look like and allow that pressure to be lifted and replaced with gratitude. I was feeling so anxious about all the things that I had yet done, which had me swimming in the murky waters of self-doubt.
I replaced that doubt with getting into action for living life in the now. I started with my home and bought a beautiful pink and creamy boho-chic rug to grace the kitchen floor. I prepared more meals in my kitchen with colorful mixing bowls and spoons! I got as messy as I wanted to while playing fun music. I made flax bread from scratch, which I turned into avocado toast for breakfast the next day and enjoyed it with a cup of tea at the dining room table. By getting into action on decorating my home and cooking in my kitchen, I started building the muscle of trust in myself to take more steps.
Instead of postponing a Tony Robbins experience I had planned the weekend before my birthday, I asked time off for both weeks to make the commitment to attend Unleash the Power Within and also celebrate my birthday in Las Vegas. I could feel the old shell of Annie the workaholic slip away and a new playful side spread her wings. I’m pretty sure she danced out to songs of the 80’s. As I traveled to the west coast during the later part of the month, the real ‘home’ I realized needed nurturing is my body. I became present to how I am feeding my body every day at all meals with more live foods to make me feel at home wherever I go. I have restarted my daily meditation practice and I am reading books that light me up to keep my mind focused and refreshed. Forty is starting to feel pretty good.
My house may feel less like a hotel but what is more important to me is the homemaking in my mind and body so that I can show up fully expressed and full of vitality in this precious life I have been granted. Tony Robbins summed up it by saying “gratitude makes you feel magical.” I would say not only does it make me feel magical. It makes me feel at home in my body, mind and spirit…wherever my path may lead me.
Questions for Reflection:
How does your home feel right now? What things can you do to make it feel more like an extension of your personality?
Do feel at home in your body? How so? Or Why not?
What would being at home wherever you are in the world look like to you? What would you need to do? Who would you need to be?
Virtual Tea Party Report
Our third gathering didn’t go as anticipated. 17 people had RSVP’d and only one person attended — all the way from Thailand, where it was 3 am for her! Wow, what dedication. Due to this discrepancy between RSVPs and attendees, I wondered whether Saturday afternoons were the optimal time to gather, so I sent out a survey. Based on the survey results, we will be shifting the monthly schedule to fourth Sunday evening.
“When I spoke with Chloé about my travel experience, I found myself reexperiencing the ‘joy of the moment’ I encounter when traveling. Reliving my experiences lit me up and caused me to start creating what’s next for me. I also got present to knowing that wherever I am, I am Home and Safe. I received real value from our conversation – thank you, Chloé!
Go slowly, travel with heart. ™
#goslowly #travelwithheart #ttwithchloe